I’ve been chatting with another author about the differences between men and women when it comes to their sex life. A man, who has a sexual appetite to make even the most adventurous beg for a night of peace is hailed as a stud, the virtual ‘Playboy’ while a woman with the same desires is nothing but a slut, for lack of a better word. Also, an older man can bed a twenty-year-old and no one bats an eye. They give him high-fives and congratulate him but when an older woman takes a twenty-something year old man to her bed? She’s stamped with the moniker of ‘Cougar’ or ‘Cradle-robber.’
This entire conversation came after discussing a story where, the young college-bound girl didn’t want to start her ‘adult’ life as a virgin so, she naturally asked her very hot, best male friend to deflower her. Of course, he waffles around a bit before finally agreeing because you know, he’s secretly IN LOVE with her and she doesn’t know.
Now, take that entire scenario and reverse it. A young man wanting to end his ‘virgin’ status and asks his best ‘girl’ friend to do the honors. Doesn’t that make it a bit sleazy? It’s almost as if he’s saying, “I don’t care for you a bit but can I have sex with you? Any girl will do, right?” Would the girl just say, “Okay,” and flop down on her back? Not any girl I know. She’d slap the dude silly and ask him, “What kind of a girl do you think I am!”
It makes you wonder if the standards will ever change. I doubt it. It’s been like this forever. Almost every historical novel you read is like this to a certain extent. The young virgin bride who has to deal with her ‘Rake’ of a husband but finally tames him with her magical hymen. I’m sure that isn’t very far from the truth, either, historically speaking, that is.
Men in general have it made when it comes to sex. Women on the other hand have stereotypes they have to overcome and probably never will. I guess that’s why romance is listed as FICTON because we know in real life, the things we read about would set a girl off, not cause her to fall in love with the inconsiderate man who just wants a night of “no-strings attached” sex. Lord knows when he tells his friends, they’ll share a beer and gloat about their conquests while the woman runs home in shame, hoping her friends never find out!
Agree with every word. Great post!
candynicks.
Well I have to say that this is totaly correct and has been forever!! As you said it will not change and I agree that it wont. So what are we to do, we enjoy our romance books and fantacies. Man O Man do i enjoy them. THANK You Lily!!!!!
Melody :o}
I agree with you 100%. Not matter how much women fight for equal rights things will never be equal! Thank God for writers like you that make us ” sex fiends or Sluts” have good stories with hunky wicked guys! We should burn our Bras again! No wait the men would like that too much!
Bridget
This is very true. It is alright for a man to sleep around, but a woman is considered a slut or other names if she does. Every woman a man sleeps with is considered a notch on his belt, but women consider it more than that. When they do, it is considered an obsession. I enjoy these books because they are outside of reality. The women in these books are not considered sluts or cougars. They can explore their sexuality without being labeled, and the men can also show their sexuality without it being another notch on their belt. These characters do not see it as a one night stand on either side, and it becomes obsessive on either side.
after all these years some PEOPLE will never change their position is their security blanket both others don’t hold to the same old truths,they are just not as vocal as the old double standard group. me I’m an old fashion kinda girl ,one man at a time but if it feel good go for it!!
AMEN SISTER!Things will never change because for some reason men seem to make the rules in that area.Just like when women get older and grayer we are just old but a man becomes dignified.Thats bogus I know alot of old gray-haired farts who aren’t the least bit dignified.They are just dirty old men.
LOL @ Amy13! I know a lot of ‘gray haired old farts’ too and there’s nothing distinguished about them, either.
What I would REALLY like to know is…what do men think of this topic? Now that’s a point of view I want to see. hehe
This interesting topic is never easy to access, as our own experiences will bias our thinking. My view is that times are changing; people are more liberal today about sex and its role in the lives of men and women. Sure attitudes and language are gender specific, but so is everything else to do with relationships and sex. I’ve read stuff about economic research on prostitution that points to this – prostitutes income is lower today than 100 years ago because ordinary women now give it away! (Also, sexual acts considered “Premium” 100 years ago are now cheapest on the menu!)
I have friends that are contrary to the established stereotypes. These include a married female friend that has two lovers solely to augment her sex life. A single female friend that enjoys multiple men at once. A couple that regularly invites other men to participate with the wife. They also include numerous male friends that are totally committed to their partners. The only ongoing promiscuous male friends that I have are gay! I don’t think that any of my male friends that are single aren’t looking for a steady partner and enduring bonds, whereas that is definitely not true of the women. This could be a function of age (I’m one of the men going grey) or it could be a change in attitude.
Personally, I think that promiscuous women are very desirable (like the girls wanting the bad boys – I want a bad girl). I think that things will look very different in another couple of generations. Bring it on!
I don’t know, I have had many discussions with both my male and female friends and I have notices some changes. Women are starting to view the one night stand a little different…especially after a brutal breakup. A one night encounter can boost her moral, her confidence, make her feel sexy and appealing. Now, where is the harm in that?
I agree really on all of this mainly because of the social standings of humanbeings personally i find it awesome when women show their seuality just as much as men but one person may make a differance on somethings on this social standing isnt one of them awesome post
This is interesting, cz I had a discussion just today with a very close friend of mine who wanted to know why men expected women who were “virgins” when they weren’t anyways..Funny thats true! Well for me I like being a slut if thats what I am, I like being aware of my sexuality and these stories liberate me in way..Anyday better than the M&B’s where the women turn to virgin putty in the guy’s hand and the guy is stuck cz he doesnt want to break her “virgin heart”…hahahahaha..All we women can do is keep reading such books voraciously and boycott the ones which promote sterotypes and who knows maybe one day we will change the thinking of a generation…More power to you !!