I think my new years resolution will be to update the blog more than once every 4 months. I’ve been neglectful. No secret to most of you though. I’m just not very good at updating this thing. I’ll try to change that. Notice I said try. LOL
I’ve started a new story. This makes #956, I think. Okay, maybe it isn’t quite that high but it feels like it. I have a folder full of ‘started’ stories. I just can’t seem to finish them. I don’t know why. The muse will rush around in a frenzy for days or weeks, pushing out a good chunk of storyline then…nothing. It’s frustrating. I have so many stories with so much potential. Great storylines. Great characters. Great plot. But they’re all a no-go. It’s like I get to this certain point and the story dies a slow, agonizing death and I’m left to mourn over what it could have been. I have vampires and fairies just sitting there waiting…Sci-fi and contemporaries all just waiting for my fickle muse to get his rear in gear. I use to sit down at the computer and pump out pages upon pages a day. No I can barely get the curser to move. I sit and stare at it for hours. It mocks me.
I’ll have to blame work on a lot of it. For those of you who don’t know, I went back to work in July. As much as I love writing, sitting around the house for hours upon hours drove me nuts! I love my job. I love the money. I actual talk to people other than my kids and my pets. I feel more human now. Being a cave dweller for over 2 years took its toll on me I think. I don’t regret the decision to go back to work but there are days…like today, when I see that my writing has suffered for it, that I wish I would have just sucked it up and stayed planted in my desk chair. I love writing. I love the creative process of it and working has sucked the life out of my creativity. It doesn’t help that I work a graveyard shift. 3:30 to midnight. I’m home by 12:30 every night but after pulling 8 hours I’m too brain fried to concentrate. All I seem to write at that time is rubbish. Weekends are also a non-writer friendly time. My niece is here every weekend and I can’t just abandon her to play with my imaginary friends. I envy those people who can put everything/everyone else aside and just do what they love. I can’t. I’m not built that way. My family has always come first. It guess they always will. I can’t see that ever changing. My kids are grown and ready to leave home. When they’ll do that is anyone’s guess. Maybe then…when the nest is empty, I’ll have that time for myself. I’ll be able to let the laundry pile up and the dirty dishes sit so I can just write. It’s my dream. Hopefully one day, it’ll come true.